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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29777265">you and me (the way it's supposed to be)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfmoonjisung/pseuds/halfmoonjisung'>halfmoonjisung</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Medical School, Minor Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee, Not Actually Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:49:16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>15,084</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29777265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfmoonjisung/pseuds/halfmoonjisung</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Anyway,” Chenle chirps, looking back at Renjun. “So is this Mark asking you out?”</p><p>“What? No!” Renjun quickly denies, but he’s blushing again and now Donghyuck has the sudden urge to pour spicy sauce all over Mark Lee’s lab reports. “We’re just going to get to know each other, that’s all.”</p><p>None of them look convinced, not even Renjun. That doesn’t bode well, at least to Donghyuck.<br/> </p><p> </p><p>(or, the arrival of Mark in Renjun’s life prompts Donghyuck to finally face his feelings head-on.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>296</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you and me (the way it's supposed to be)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/withdream/gifts">withdream</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>dedicated to belle! thank you for trusting and commissioning me! i had a lot of fun writing this renhyuck for your prompt~</p><p>inspired by the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxyOvTpe_gI">friend to lover music video</a> by standing egg :&gt;</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hi,” someone approaches Donghyuck, gesturing at the monoblock beside him. “Is this seat taken?”</p><p>Donghyuck nods with a sympathetic smile. “I’m sorry.”</p><p>The person shakes their head and reassures Donghyuck that it’s okay before moving to the person on the next aisle, presumably to ask the same question.</p><p>Donghyuck once again looks at his phone. His messages with Renjun are on the screen, most of them asking why the hell is he five—ten—fifteen—<em> twenty </em>minutes late. On top of that, Renjun did not reply.</p><p>Five more minutes passed, and the person who asked Donghyuck for the seat he saved for Renjun is now walking away with a monoblock. Just as Donghyuck looks back on his phone to compose another message, he hears a crash.</p><p>“Oh my god, I’m so sorry—”</p><p>“It’s fine—”</p><p>“Let me help you—”</p><p>“Ah, thank you—”</p><p>“I’m really sorry—”</p><p>“It’s all good—”</p><p><em> “Shhh.” </em>That was the librarian.</p><p>Donghyuck raises an eyebrow as he sees the source of the crash. Renjun is apologizing profusely to the person holding the monoblock, and from the looks of it, Renjun seems to stumble upon them on his way. After a moment, Renjun finally heads to where Donghyuck is.</p><p>“How clumsy can you get?” He asks, pulling the monoblock a little bit so Renjun can sit easily. “You’re almost beating Jeno’s record. And <em> that’s </em>saying something.”</p><p>Renjun groans. “I was in a rush.”</p><p>“And whose fault is that?” Donghyuck <em> tsks. </em>“You didn’t even reply to my texts. Why were you late?”</p><p>Renjun vaguely gestures to his shirt. Donghyuck notices a few fading stains littering it.</p><p>“Bumped into this third year,” he says sulkily. “I was replying to Jisung’s text and I didn’t see where I was walking. He was holding an iced coffee, and you can guess what happened next.”</p><p>Donghyuck scoffs. “That took you twenty minutes?”</p><p>“He was completely soaked!” Renjun almost screeches, causing the librarian to send a look towards their cubicle. “You weren’t there, you didn’t see him. I didn’t even get much of the coffee on me compared to him.”</p><p>“Geez, I can tell.”</p><p>“The sarcasm isn’t appreciated.”</p><p>“Anyway,” Donghyuck says, and although his voice attempts to sound nonchalant, he’s unable to suppress the concern on his face. “You aren’t hurt anywhere, are you? You even bumped into people <em> twice </em>in the span of ten minutes.”</p><p>“I’m here, amn’t I? Plus, I’m not the one who got the worse end. Ugh!” Renjun buries his face in his hands. “He keeps telling me that it’s okay but I’m still so embarrassed.”</p><p>Donghyuck snorts. “Don’t tell me you offered to take him to the bathroom and help out.”</p><p>“I also let him borrow one of my spare shirts,” Renjun mumbles.</p><p>Donghyuck gapes at him. Renjun scratches the back of his head.</p><p>“What was I supposed to do?! It was my fault anyway. Fortunately, only his clothes were drenched, not the lab reports in his arm.”</p><p>“Yeah, thank god for that,” Donghyuck muses. “Otherwise, you’d be volunteering to rewrite them for him.”</p><p>Renjun smacks his arm, causing Donghyuck to wince and the librarian to give them a warning. After that, they settle into reading their textbooks. There’s a bit of knee wrestling happening under their table as well, but once the librarian looks over them again, they stop.</p><p>“Look at this,” Renjun tells him after a few minutes. “It looks like Daegal.”</p><p>Donghyuck squints at what Renjun’s pointing at. It’s a chapter introductory page, with a picture of a human holding a dog that looks like Chenle’s.</p><p>“Daegal is cuter,” Donghyuck remarks.</p><p>Renjun sighs, eyes still on the page. “Must be nice to have a pet.”</p><p>“You can always get one.”</p><p>“As much as I want to, I don’t think I’m capable of taking care of one,” Renjun laughs sadly. “Unlike Chenle, I don’t have my family members nearby to look after the pet while I’m studying. And it’s not like my roommate back at the dorm is free most days.”</p><p>“You can always get a pet that doesn’t require high maintenance,” Donghyuck suggests.</p><p>Renjun snickers. “Like what?”</p><p>Donghyuck ponders for a while before replying. “What about a goldfish?”</p><p>“Goldfish?”</p><p>“Yeah, the pet shop Jaemin’s working at has a lot of them.”</p><p>Renjun then stares at the ceiling, thinking. “Hmm… that’s not so bad…”</p><p>They return to reading their textbooks. Donghyuck notices Renjun gradually going quiet, probably mulling over the goldfish. He focuses on his own lessons, trying to absorb as much information as his already saturated brain can.</p><p>“If I have to read one more word about arrhythmia, I will lose it,” Donghyuck groans, ultimately dropping the textbook and leaning back on his chair. “Right, Jun?”</p><p>There’s no answer. </p><p>“Jun?” Donghyuck asks again, turning to look at where Renjun is seated.</p><p>The sight that greets him is in no way foreign. Granted, Donghyuck is used to it, having been friends with Renjun ever since they got paired up as Sergeant of Arms officers in their eighth grade class, but right now, it doesn’t fail to knock Donghyuck’s breath out of his chest. </p><p>There’s nothing grand about the view; Renjun’s head is lying on an open textbook, one of his hands resting across his face and the other awkwardly dangling from his position. His eyes are droopy but they aren’t shut completely, as if he’s still somehow awake. On top of that, his lips are slightly parted. Donghyuck is very familiar with this sight. This is always how Renjun looks like when he’s too exhausted that his body is unable to refrain itself from sleeping. </p><p>A few strands of hair are brushing against Renjun’s forehead. Donghyuck purses his lips. He’s endured enough <em> “I don’t want a breakout!” </em>variations from his best friend to know that Renjun doesn’t like it when his hair gets stuck with sweat on his forehead. </p><p>Donghyuck first peers over the other cubicles first. Everybody seems to be focused on their own stuff. Even the librarian looks busy with their computer. After making sure that no one is looking, Donghyuck carefully pushes the strands away from Renjun’s face and tucks the long ones behind his ear.</p><p>He feels Renjun shift a little bit, the awkward arm now going up the table in a subconscious attempt of making himself more comfortable. For a while, Renjun seems like he’s nuzzling his cheek against Donghyuck’s palm, but that thought is dismissed once the snores take over again.</p><p>There aren’t a lot of windows in this library for sunlight to find its way in, and yet somehow, in this angle, with a warm ray of gold cascading over Renjun, he seems to glow. He doesn’t even look remotely special—hell, if Chenle and Jisung were here, they would be quick to pull out their phones and take pictures of Renjun to make fun of him when he wakes up.</p><p>Still, Donghyuck finds the sight beautiful.</p><p>He retreats his hand. It’s during these times that Donghyuck acknowledges how much Renjun glows. It feels like white noise, somehow. Donghyuck is so used to seeing Renjun glow all the time, to find Renjun beautiful all the time, that it just becomes ingrained into his every day normalcy. And then moments like this arrive, when Donghyuck is given the chance to fully admire Renjun without restraint, and it dawns upon him that he’s in too deep already.</p><p>A yearning ache resurfaces in his chest, and it’s a familiar feeling he already welcomes. Donghyuck’s eyes travel from Renjun’s lashes, to the slope of his perfect nose, and then to his slightly parted lips. His eyes linger there more than they should, and a soft voice speaks in his head, echoing his far-fetched wishes in every part of his brain.  </p><p>He doesn’t mind, though. There’s reassurance in small, simple moments like these—that even if Renjun gets soaked in iced americano and gets held up for twenty minutes and more, he’ll still come to Donghyuck. </p><p>He’s content with this—spending bits of sunlight together. </p><p>And so long as he’s with Renjun, then Donghyuck’s okay.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It’s nearing five o’clock when they got kicked out of the library, courtesy of a grave realization that occurred to Renjun when he woke up.</p><p>He was looking for his transcripts among his files but all he saw was an unfamiliar pile of lab reports of someone named <em> Mark Lee. </em>Renjun then realized that he and the coffee guy must have swapped documents while they tried to get their footing, causing him to groan loudly and the librarian to lose their patience.</p><p>“I’m so stupid,” Renjun mourns as they walked.</p><p>Donghyuck snickers, but doesn’t second the statement. “When will you need your transcripts?”</p><p>“Not until this Friday,” Renjun replies. “But this Mark Lee person… he might need his lab reports soon. I need to return them to him tomorrow.”</p><p>“Are you going to contact him?”</p><p>“Most likely,” Renjun then scans the report in his hand. “I’ll just find someone on Facebook with the same name who goes to the department written here. There can’t be a lot of Mark Lee’s, right?”</p><p>Donghyuck shrugs. “I’ve never heard of one. Don’t worry too much, you’ll find him. After all, your clumsy ass is capable of bumping into him again—”</p><p>Renjun punches Donghyuck with his free hand.</p><p>Traces of autumn are reflected around them; from the caramel tint of the sky, the unpatterned murmurs of the birds, the hovering warmth of the afternoon, to the gentle descent of the leaves. It’s a scenery Donghyuck doesn’t mind seeing everyday.</p><p>“You know they call this the golden hour?”</p><p>Donghyuck turns to look at Renjun, who blends in the warm atmosphere perfectly.</p><p>“The last hour before sunset,” Renjun adds. “Photographers say the lighting is good during this time.”</p><p>Donghyuck nods. “Jaemin might’ve mentioned that once or twice.”</p><p>Renjun then slows down his pace, scanning their surroundings as he does so. Before Donghyuck can ask what he’s doing, he grabs Donghyuck’s arms and drags him to one of the campus trees standing by the sidewalk. The afternoon sky greets him from that point of view.</p><p>Renjun carefully puts the papers in his folder, hangs the strap of his messenger bag around Donghyuck, and hands him his own phone.</p><p>“What’s going on?” Donghyuck asks, puzzled.</p><p>Renjun beams. “Take a picture of me.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because the lighting is good.”</p><p>“What if I don’t want to?”</p><p>“Come on now, take your camera out.”</p><p>He frowns as he realizes something. “Hold on… why are we using my phone?!”</p><p>Renjun rolls his eyes as he pulls his own from his pocket. He unlocks and thrusts it in front of Donghyuck’s face, the screen showing a wallpaper of his class schedule and a pitiful battery percentage 2% at the corner. As soon as Donghyuck notices it, Renjun returns his phone to his pocket.</p><p>“Wh—”</p><p>“Make sure you’re getting the background!” Renjun reminds him as he fixes his own hair.</p><p>Donghyuck gives in before Renjun can threaten to kick him. He opens his camera and adjusts his position so he can get a better angle.</p><p>Even though he’s not as invested in photography as Jaemin, the pictures turned out well. Donghyuck thinks that’s because it’s easy to take pictures of Renjun. The guy is naturally photogenic. You can capture him from any angle and he’d still put supermodels to shame. Donghyuck is pretty sure that even if Renjun asks him to take a picture on some random corner of the street, it’d still turn out great.</p><p>“Let me see,” Renjun says as he takes the phone from Donghyuck. He makes approving nods as he browses through the photos. “They turned out nice!”</p><p>Donghyuck smirks. “Of course they did, I was the one who took them.”</p><p>Renjun scoffs. “Maybe they turned out well because <em> I’m </em>in them.”</p><p>“Please,” Donghyuck brushes him off, even though he fully agrees. “You should be thankful I have commendable skills, otherwise you’d remain looking dreadful.”</p><p>“You’re insufferable.”</p><p>Donghyuck catches the sarcasm, but he sends the already frowning Renjun a wink instead. “I try my best.”</p><p>Renjun reaches for Donghyuck’s phone, catching him off-guard. “Oi! What are you gonna do with that?”</p><p>He gets no answer. Renjun walks a little bit farther away, fiddling with his phone. When Donghyuck catches up to him, he sees his gallery on the screen.</p><p>“What—”</p><p>“There!” Renjun beams, thrusting Donghyuck’s phone towards him</p><p>Donghyuck eyes him suspiciously before opening his phone. He’s greeted by a new lockscreen, one that’s completely similar to the picture of Renjun he took a while ago. “What the hell?”</p><p>“I set my photo as your new wallpaper,” Renjun teases. “Now my <em> dreadful </em>face can haunt you all the time, since it appalls you so much.”</p><p>Donghyuck stares at him.</p><p>There’s a satisfied smug look now resting on his face. “Oh, and be sure to send the pictures to me later. Don’t use messenger though, we don’t want the quality to degrade.”</p><p>He looks from the Renjun on his wallpaper, to the Renjun in front of him, and then back to the Renjun on his wallpaper. Both glowing, both beautiful, and both knocking the wind out of Donghyuck’s chest. It’s only then that it sinks in with him that not only was a glimpse of renjun immortalized in a three megabyte file, but it will also greet him during the most mundane parts of his day. As if his own thoughts aren’t enough of a reminder that Renjun has wedged into the steady normalcy of his life.</p><p>“You’re insufferable,” Donghyuck murmurs, still staring at his phone.</p><p>When he looks up, Renjun winks at him. “I try my best.”</p><p>Donghyuck is unable to suppress the grin on his face, courtesy of Renjun’s sneaky remark.</p><p>They reach Renjun’s dorm first. As the guy retreats to the building, Donghyuck yells something about tripping and bumping into people which results in Renjun raising his middle finger. Donghyuck laughs and makes his way to his own dorm.</p><p>The day passes by quickly. His roommate, Jisung, arrives just a few minutes after him. In the middle of eating their microwaved dinner, he receives Renjun’s text about successfully contacting Mark Lee. After that, he and Jisung talk about the upcoming culminating party before they both resigned to their beds. Donghyuck fancies himself with a quick game of Sudoku before he decides to rest.</p><p>The last thing he sees is Renjun’s picture on his phone. He doesn’t even notice right away that he’s smiling.</p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t even bother changing his lockscreen. He lets sleep take over, with the memories of today reflecting from his phone to his dreams.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>One thing Donghyuck looks forward to every week in campus is that certain time slot on Thursday, a little past two, when he and Jeno finish their lab classes earlier, when Jaemin’s last class ends, when Chenle and Jisung would be halfway through their hour-long vacant, and when Renjun comes in for his first afternoon class. More often than not, they’d all meet up at one of the food stalls set up near the Pharmacy department, particularly the stand that sells street food.</p><p>Today is no exception. Although, Renjun is running a little bit late. A few hours ago, he messaged Donghyuck about meeting up with Mark Lee to exchange documents before he heads to the stall. </p><p>“That’s a lot of work,” Jisung tells him after Donghyuck recounts yesterday’s events. </p><p>Donghyuck shrugs, helping himself to a few more vegetable balls. “You know Renjun,” he says thoughtfully. “He may look like he wants to kick you the first chance he gets, but he doesn’t hesitate to help and gives everything he can.”</p><p>Jaemin sends him a teasing look. Donghyuck almost pokes him with his barbecue stick.</p><p>From beside them, Chenle <em> tsks </em>as he grabs a few more squid balls for himself. “It’s very amusing.”</p><p>Donghyuck narrows his eyes. “What is?”</p><p>“The way you talk about Renjun,” Jeno answers, pouring the spicy vinegar on his cup. He turns to Chenle. “Am I right?”</p><p>The other guy nods. “You don't hesitate to make fun of him whenever he’s here but when he’s not around, you’re the first one to say all these… stuff.”</p><p>Donghyuck rolls his eyes, but his heart leaps all the same. The spot in his pocket where his phone with the Renjun lockscreen is located feels like burning.</p><p>Jisung snorts. “Don’t we all do that, though? Cut Donghyuck hyung some slack.”</p><p>“Thank you, Jisung. This is why you’re my favorite.”</p><p>“Nice. Does that mean you’ll buy me more squid balls?”</p><p>“Not a chance.”</p><p>“I take it back, then,” Jisung declares. “Donghyuck hyung is far too gone.”</p><p>Donghyuck takes one squid ball from Jisung’s cup as revenge. Jisung whines in protest, but Donghyuck is already chewing on the stolen food teasingly.</p><p>“Fine,” Jisung hiffs, going back to the cart where the assorted deep fried street food is located. He points at a few fish cakes and asks the vendor, “Do you have more of these?”</p><p>The vendor shakes their head sadly. “Those are our last fish cakes.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just take them all—“</p><p>A thought suddenly crosses Donghyuck, and he cuts off Jisung, alarmed. “Fine, let me buy you more squid balls.”</p><p>Chenle raises an eyebrow. Jeno and Jaemin even stare at Donghyuck with concern.</p><p>Jisung looks both confused and surprised. “For real?”</p><p>“Yeah…” Donghyuck grumbles, fishing for a few more coins in his pocket. “Squid balls only, though. No other food.”</p><p>Jisung doesn’t even contemplate for long. He happily nods as Donghyuck hands more coins to the vendor. “I’m not complaining. Free food is the best food!”</p><p>“Damn,” Jaemin mutters as Jisung fills his cup. “How about me? Aren’t you gonna get me a few more food?”</p><p>Donghyuck rolls his eyes. “Not a chance. I already gave my spare change to Jisung.”</p><p>“I’m special,” Jisung says as he now puts sauce in his cup. “Donghyuck hyung loves me.”</p><p>Chenle sniggers. </p><p>Donghyuck’s cup is already refilled with more street food for the third time when Renjun arrives. He looks the same as yesterday when he ran late to the library. Only this time, he looks a lot more flushed. </p><p>“About time!” Donghyuck says as Jeno hands Renjun a cup. “You should eat now, otherwise you’ll miss your two forty-five.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Renjun replies. As soon as he has the cup in his hands, he scans the remaining street food on the stove and sighs. “Oooh, there’s still fish cakes! Nice!”</p><p>While Renjun helps himself with the remaining fish cakes, the rest of his friends turn to Donghyuck with wiggling eyebrows and impish grins. Donghyuck pointedly ignores them and takes the spicy sauce to pour some on his cup.</p><p>“What held you up, Renjunnie?” Jaemin asks. “I thought you just exchanged documents?”</p><p>“We did,” Renjun answers far too quickly. “Although… uh…”</p><p>Jeno raises his eyebrows. “Although what?”</p><p>Chene grins. “Do continue.”</p><p>Renjun swats their teasing looks away. “Nevermind, it’s none of your business.”</p><p>Donghyuck glances a little bit at Renjun, wondering what could be the other reason he’s refusing to say. He makes a mental note to ask about it later.</p><p>Just as Renjun is about to pay for his street food, they hear his phone’s ringtone from his pocket. He hastily picks it up, and Donghyuck notices the deeper flush that spread across Renjun’s face when he opened his screen.</p><p>“Hyung,” Jisung momentarily calls him. “Can you pour some of that sauce on my cup?”</p><p>Donghyuck nods. “Yeah, sure. Hold it still.”</p><p>Chenle, ever prying, cranes his neck to see what’s the fuss with Renjun’s phone. He grins before reading out loud what’s on the screen. <em> “Hi Renjun! </em> Smiley emoji. <em> This is Mark. I hope I typed your number right—” </em></p><p>Renjun quickly blocks his phone from view and shoves Chenle.</p><p>“Not too much, hyung,” Jisung says as Donghyuck pours the sauce.</p><p>“Mark?” Jeno asks. “You mean the Mark you’re supposed to meet?”</p><p>Jaemin catches on. “He has your number?”</p><p>“Hyung,” Jisung says warily. “It’s almost full…”</p><p>Renjun doesn’t look at them, but the blush on his face is now more evident. “I—I mean,” he stammers, distracting himself by paying for his food. “He asked for it…”</p><p>Jaemin tilts his head to the side. “And you gave it to him? Why?”</p><p>“Hyung you can stop now,” Jisung now sounds desperate. “It’s full.”</p><p>But Donghyuck isn’t really paying attention to anything else, not Jisung’s cries or Jeno trying to catch his eyes. The only thing his mind can focus on is Renjun’s reason as to why he gave Mark Lee his number.</p><p>Renjun glances at all of them, and for a split second Donghyuck thought he lingers a little bit longer when their eyes meet, but Renjun averts his gaze and continues to speak. “Well, he seems nice. And he was really, <em> really </em> cute. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt to—”</p><p>“HYUNG!” Jisung screeches. “YOU’RE SPILLING THE SAUCE!”</p><p>Everybody turns to look towards them, and it’s only then that Donghyuck realizes that he’s still pouring the sauce, which, as Jisung pointed out, is now spilling on the floor. He quickly gets it back upright and mumbles a quick apology to the vendor before returning it.</p><p>Jeno coughs all of a sudden, but Donghyuck knows it’s an attempt to mask a chuckle.</p><p>“My bad,” Donghyuck grins casually.</p><p>Renjun frowns. “You’re so stupid.”</p><p>“He is,” Jisung agrees, glaring at Donghyuck.</p><p>“Anyway,” Chenle chirps, looking back at Renjun. “So is this Mark asking you out?”</p><p>“What? No!” Renjun quickly denies, but he’s blushing again and now Donghyuck has the sudden urge to pour spicy sauce all over Mark Lee’s lab reports. “We’re just going to get to know each other, that’s all.”</p><p>None of them look convinced, not even Renjun. That doesn’t bode well, at least to Donghyuck. Jisung then joins Chenle in teasing a thoroughly flustered Renjun. Usually, whenever these two pair up to rile up Renjun, Donghyuck would be the one leading them. Now, he can’t bring himself to do it.</p><p>“Hyuckie,” Jaemin calls him gently. “That cup isn’t going anywhere.”</p><p>He looks down to the cup he’s holding. His fist is clenched and gripping it tightly, almost spilling its contents.</p><p>Jeno gives him a knowing smile. “Everything good?”</p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t answer. He distracts himself by pulling out his phone, with the intention of scrolling through a bit of Twitter for distraction. However, Renjun’s picture on his lockscreen greets him, and it stuns him just a little bit.</p><p>Jaemin and Jeno catch a glimpse of the screen. Jaemin whistles while Jeno coughs again.</p><p>“What’s that?” Renjun suddenly asks, happy to have an excuse to get away from Chenle and Jisung’s confrontations. Before Donghyuck can come up with a snarky retort, Renjun has already seen his screen. “Wow, you actually didn’t change the wallpaper?”</p><p>Chenle and Jisung curiously peek at the screen too. After seeing it, they suddenly find the grass interesting.</p><p>“Yeah,” Donghyuck says in a nonchalant attempt as he pockets his phone. “Pretty handy. It’s easier to scare bugs away if I have your face on the ready.”</p><p>Renjun smacks his arm again.</p><p>The rest of their friends collectively cough, not even trying to be subtle anymore.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>To Donghyuck’s utter dismay, Renjun and Mark started talking more frequently. He doesn’t know if it’s just him, but it seems like Renjun’s eyes are glued to his phone screen more often. The giddy look on his face doesn’t help. His recent actions even led to the changing of their group chat name which was previously “single doctors” and is now “single doctors except renjun”. Renjun quickly clarified that he’s still single, but he made no effort to change the name back.</p><p>As if that isn’t enough, Mark and Renjun just <em> have </em>to bump into each other outside of their virtual conversations. The first time they did so, Mark was returning the shirt he borrowed, and Donghyuck thinks the coffee hang out that took place after that was completely unnecessary. However, he’s unable to prevent the second one, and the third, and the following ones where he has to endure a giddy Renjun who seems to be always looking for his reaction every time he relays his hang out with Mark Lee.</p><p>According to the rest of their friends, Donghyuck seems more restless than usual. They’re not stupid to not know the reason, but it still bothers Donghyuck all the same. There are times where he’ll make teasing remarks like “Why would anyone have a crush on you, Renjun?” but that eventually backfires to him when Renjun ignores his statement and his friends would give him a look that says <em> Yeah, Hyuck, I wonder why would anyone have a crush on Renjun?  </em></p><p>All in all, Donghyuck is miserable.</p><p>The balance that he somehow created with himself, being content with just spending time with Renjun and admiring his best friend, is ruined by the handsome document-swapping coffee-spilling abomination that has somehow wedged his way in Renjun’s everyday routines.</p><p>When he’s finally had enough, he voices all of his frustrations to the first non-Renjun person that will listen. That person happens to be Jeno, who’s the only one in their friend group that’s taking the same field practice as Donghyuck and therefore shares more classes with him.</p><p>“Seriously, though!” Donghyuck groans as they wait for sample results during their lab class. “How many times can two people bump into each other by accident?”</p><p>Jeno gives him a small smile. “Well, if it happens quite a lot of times, I don’t think you can call them accidents anymore.”</p><p>Donghyuck huffs, crossing his arms.</p><p>“You did mention that they’re now… messaging frequently?” Jeno says those in a careful manner.</p><p>“Yeah…” Donghyuck grumbles, looking at the floor.</p><p>Jeno hums. “But they’re not dating?”</p><p>“No, they’re <em> getting to know each other,” </em>Donghyuck spats. “Whatever that means.”</p><p>“It means exactly as it is,” Jeno replies. “Look, you and I both know the reason you’re getting worked up with all of this.”</p><p>Donghyuck purses his lips and doesn’t answer. He meets Jeno’s eyes and sighs. Donghyuck rarely voices it out loud, but somehow, Jeno and the rest of his friends just understand.</p><p>When he doesn’t answer for a few more minutes, Jeno speaks. “Have you tried letting him know, at least?”</p><p>They both know the answer to that. However, Donghyuck knows Jeno is much wiser than he lets on. He asked that not because he wants to hear an answer from Donghyuck, but because he wants Donghyuck to ponder on it. Donghyuck has always been content with his relationship with Renjun. Most probably because he had the illusion that it will last long. He never really felt the need to speak up about what he’s feeling.</p><p>Not until Mark came and basically did the very thing Donghyuck didn’t do—show his interest towards Renjun.</p><p>“I don’t know,” he says truthfully. “I mean, it doesn’t seem like we’re on the same page.”</p><p>Jeno hums again. “You can’t be too sure of that?”</p><p>“Have you seen him lately?!” Donghyuck says in an anguished whisper. “He’s <em> smiling.” </em></p><p>“He’s always smiling,” Jeno points out.</p><p>“But not <em> that </em>way,” Donghyuck sighs. “He never… he never even smiled at me like that.”</p><p>Donghyuck’s heart drops at his own words. He expects a pitiful look coming from Jeno but to his surprise, the other guy just looks at him in contemplation. “Yeah,” Jeno eventually says. “He has a different smile when it comes to you.”</p><p>“The annoyed kind, most likely,” Donghyuck grumbles. “But still! I can’t just let out all my feelings like that. What do I even say? <em> Hey, did you know that ever since you jokingly kissed my cheek when we were pre-med juniors, I developed a crush on you and now it spiraled into me possibly falling in love with you and I know it’s weird that I’m only saying this now but—” </em></p><p>“Exactly,” Jeno nods as he interrupts him. “Just like that.”</p><p>Donghyuck frowns at him. “Are you kidding me? It sounds ridiculous!”</p><p>“It sounds sincere,” Jeno rebuts. “What I’m getting here is, you know exactly the right words to say. You just don’t know when or where to say it.”</p><p>Jeno is looking at him in a way that reminds Donghyuck of his undergraduate thesis panel. Jeno has often been on the receiving end of his pining because he mostly listens to Donghyuck and just lets it be. Jaemin would offer some advice, Jisung would offer some comforting words, Chenle would offer some distractions. Jeno, however, would just simply listen. Most of the time, that’s all Donghyuck needs.</p><p>However, there are times where Jeno looks at him like this, which means that he doesn’t think simply letting all these problems out is enough. Donghyuck needs to move.</p><p>“Don’t look at me like that,” Donghyuck mumbles, swatting Jeno’s face away. “I got the message.”</p><p>Before Jeno can even reply, one of their classmates arrives and informs them about the results, terminating the conversation altogether. They went on with their laboratory tasks, the topic no longer brought up.</p><p>However, even until Donghyuck goes back to his dorm that day, he still can’t shake the thoughts out of his head. Jisung is already there, asking him if he’s okay. Donghyuck says he is, but he skips dinner.</p><p>As he lays on his bed that night, he starts to entertain the thoughts. What is Mark’s deal, anyway? Sure, he’s handsome and stellar and has eight thousand followers on twitter, but what does <em> getting to know </em>do? He may find out about Renjun’s favorite color, but not the colors of the paint streaks on Renjun’s skin when he randomly draws portraits of Chenle’s dogs. He may find out about Renjun’s favorite food, but not the food that Renjun cooks for them whenever they catch a fever. He may find out about Renjun’s favorite song, but not the songs that Renjun uses to sing them to sleep during drinking sessions in their sleepovers.</p><p>Donghyuck knows. Donghyuck knows every single one by heart. Donghyuck keeps every single part of Renjun that he shares in his heart.</p><p>With that, he sits up and makes his way to the desk. Jisung, who’s been playing a mobile game on his bed, casts him a worried glance. “What are you doing?”</p><p>Donghyuck smiles as he fumbles with the lamp. “Just gonna write down some thoughts.”</p><p>And after that, with the pen he randomly picked up in the library and with the back of his lab report draft, he poured his heart out.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck should’ve known it wouldn’t be easy.</p><p>There are many factors that hinder his supposed confession extravaganza, but the most notable one would be Mark Lee.</p><p>Every night, Donghyuck has developed a habit of reading the letter he wrote over and over again. There are times where he’ll be a bit surprised that he managed to write about his emotions, but there are also times where he knows it’s bound to happen at some point. Still, none of that matters if when tomorrow comes, Mark’s presence would send his plans out of the window. The guy is simply everywhere.</p><p>Well, maybe not everywhere. Mark hasn’t been <em> adopted </em>to their friend group often because most of the time he’s just hanging out with only Renjun, and somehow, Donghyuck doesn’t really find that reassuring.</p><p>There are also annoying times when Mark <em> purposely </em>goes to the library that he and Renjun usually frequent at, and it doesn’t make sense because his department isn’t even near that library, and yet he goes to that library and every single time, Donghyuck begs some higher being to let the librarian kick him out. </p><p>It doesn’t even help that Mark is <em> nice. </em>He’s so nice that he makes Jaemin look like a criminal next to him, and Jaemin is one of the nicest people Donghyuck knows. Every time their friends, Renjun included, would talk about Mark, the remarks are all positive and Donghyuck can’t even deny.</p><p>It also doesn’t help that every time his plans get interrupted by Mark Lee’s very being, his friends would tease him with variations of “that’s what you get for being too slow”.</p><p>Still, Mark Lee doesn’t really matter that much to Donghyuck compared to Renjun. At the end of the day, it’s not really Mark who he cares about or checks up on. It’s still Renjun. And right now, Renjun is spending an incredibly huge amount of time “getting to know” Mark and it’s driving Donghyuck nuts.</p><p>“I’ll do it…” Donghyuck mutters to himself one night, rereading the letter he wrote for the umpteenth time. “I’ll <em> really </em>do it.”</p><p>Jisung yawns from his bed and mutters a sleepy, “That’s the spirit, hyung.”</p><p>Donghyuck smiles at the letter, tucking the material under his pillow, and the content inside his heart.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> [ 1 new message from lele ] </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele: </b>
</p><p>hyungggg</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>what</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>ji’s here w me</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>yeah i knew that he told me earlier</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>yeah anw</p><p>remember that movie ji’s borrowing from sungchan?? the one u said we have to let u watch with us otherwise you’d be under our beds?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes go on</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>well sungchan lent the copy earlier to us</p><p>cause he’ll lend it to a cousin of his next week sooooo basically what im trying to say is we have the movie but yk we only have today to watch it because he’s gonna need it back tomorrow</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>???????!!??!?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>aka come over to my house so we can watch</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>fine</p><p>my clothes are in the laundry tho,,, im only wearing the ridiculous barney shirt u guys got me for my birthday… is that ok</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>so long as ure not naked im good w whatever u wear</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>yeet</p><p>be there in fifteen</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> [ 1 new message from renjunnie💩 ] </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>renjunnie💩:</b>
</p><p>hyuck</p><p>wanna bike around the oval? it’s not too sunny outside anyway</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>when?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>renjunnie💩:</b>
</p><p>now, if ure available :&gt;&gt;&gt;</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>lol</p><p>okay</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>renjunnie💩:</b>
</p><p>nice</p><p>see u in front of the neuro building</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> [ 1 new message from lele ] </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>k i just ordered snacks for three people just pay ur share when u get here</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>change of plans</p><p>i cant come</p><p>enjoy the movie tho 😁</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>?????? TF</p><p>WHAT ABT UR FOOD</p><p>ALSO WHY CANT YOU COME</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>just invite jaemin in my stead lol it’s his day off from the pet shop anyway, he’d appreciate the movie</p><p>something came up all of a sudden 😁</p><p>anyway bye</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>…</p><p>good luck with that ig</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck would say he’s sorry, but when it comes to Renjun, how can he ever say no?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He should’ve considered his wardrobe dilemma before going out. Donghyuck is reminded of his god forsaken barney shirt the moment Renjun doubled up in laughter the instant they saw each other.</p><p>“That’s right, make fun of my shirt,” Donghyuck grumbles while Renjun is still catching his breath. “Because you guys totally didn’t buy this for me. Very funny.”</p><p>Renjun snorts, still chuckling. “It suits you. Come on.”</p><p>Donghyuck and Renjun used to bike around campus to get to their classes back in their undergraduate days. However, it became quite a nuisance to carry it around and hide it under sheds whenever the rain comes (which is often) so they gave up on biking daily. Although, Sundays on campus are an exception. The tall trees in the university provide a refreshing ambiance perfect for strolling around. In Donghyuck and Renjun’s case, they bike. Every once in a while, when both of them are free and miraculously not bombarded with workload, they spend an hour or two just biking around the campus.</p><p>Today, biking is harder than usual for Donghyuck. He stayed in their dorm all day just lying down and highlighting transcripts (and rereading the letter) and now his limbs are crying in agony. Still, all of that subdued once he falls back to the familiar routine of embracing the sunlight and flying with the breeze and spending all of it with Renjun.</p><p>Even if Renjun teases him with his barney shirt at any given opportunity.</p><p>“How long are you going to laugh at me?” Donghyuck groans as Renjun turns to look at him and catches a glimpse of the shirt. “You guys bought this for me! This is your fault!”</p><p>“Yeah, but we didn’t think you’d actually wear it,” Renjun says. “Don’t worry, I respect you and,” Renjun fakes a cough before saying, “questionable fashion choices.”</p><p>Renjun laughs for real this time and he speeds up once Donghyuck does, leading to a bike chase with a laughing Renjun and a yelling Donghyuck. However, Donghyuck’s limbs are starting to feel like they’re on fire so he slows down and lets the shirt thing go. Renjun halts in his tracks and waits until Donghyuck catches up before he matches his pace.</p><p>“Where did you guys even find a Barney shirt my size?” Donghyuck muses.</p><p>That causes Renjun to look at the shirt and burst into a fit of giggles once more. “Chenle’s the MVP. He just went to another section in the department store while we were looking for mugs and then he came back holding the treasure and we just knew,” he feigned a dramatic dreamy look. “It was the one.”</p><p>“Shut up,” Donghyuck huffs as Renjun starts chuckling again.</p><p>“Look at him,” he hears some random second year from the sidewalk say. “What kind of adult will wear a barney shirt in the open? That’s ridiculous.”</p><p>Donghyuck rolls his eyes as they pass by the snickering crowd. “Tell me something I don’t know.”</p><p>“HEY!”</p><p>“Wh—” Donghyuck glances towards Renjun and sees the other guy already going in the opposite direction, pedaling back to where the random second year is.</p><p>“What did you say?” Renjun says in an eerie manner and Donghyuck knows what’s coming. It seems like the second year has some sort of idea too, with the sudden tremble in his stature. </p><p>“Wh—what—”</p><p>Renjun steps on the brake and is now glaring directly at the guy. “Who’s the ridiculous one?”</p><p>For such a short person, Renjun has the intimidating power of a ten foot giant with the way the second year cowers. “N—no one.”</p><p>Renjun tuts. “Try again.”</p><p>“Uh—” their eyes flitted to where Donghyuck is waiting. “H— him?”</p><p>It happens so fast that Donghyuck almost misses it. Renjun gets off his bike and disregards it on the sidewalk with so much force that Donghyuck almost thought it’ll break. </p><p>The second year yelps.</p><p><em> “You’re </em> the ridiculous one,” Renjun scoffs. “Calling other people as such just because of a shirt... for your information, my best friend can walk around wearing a camping tent around his waist for all he cares and he’d still <em> rock </em>it.”</p><p>The second year then turns to Donghyuck, looking ready to give an apology, but Donghyuck just smiles and shakes his head lightly as he hurriedly pedals towards where Renjun is.</p><p>“Have a good day,” Donghyuck tells them as he urges Renjun to get back on his bike. “We’ll get going now.”</p><p>“AND BARNEY IS A FRIENDLY DINOSAUR!” Renjun roars just before he pedals again.</p><p>Donghyuck laughs as they proceed with their journey. “I didn’t know you liked this shirt so much.”</p><p>“Oh, shut it,” Renjun grumbles.</p><p>“Whatever you say,” Donghyuck grins. “You know, with the way you’re defending me, it almost seems like you like me.”</p><p>He says all that before he can even process it. Thankfully, he’s looking at the road ahead so Renjun can’t see how his face froze. His heart is thumping loudly in his chest.</p><p>Donghyuck ponders. The letter is right there, burning a hole inside his wallet’s pocket. He can do it.</p><p>However, Renjun replies to him just as quickly. “Please, why would I like you when an entire Mark Lee exists?”</p><p>All the hopeful feelings resurging in him vanished, and he feels his heart drop to the ground. Silence takes over them, and if Donghyuck lets it go on, he’ll make it awkward. He briefly glances towards Renjun and he catches a fleeting expression he can’t quite decipher before Renjun offers him one of his smaller smiles.</p><p>“Noted,” Donghyuck grins, gathering all pretense left in him. “Expect the group chat to tease you all about that.”</p><p>Renjun threatens to puncture his bicycle tire.</p><p>Throughout the rest of the biking, they engage in their usual conversation, but a thought starts to plague Donghyuck’s mind. Mark Lee’s presence may not physically be here, but in some way, he still managed to prevent Donghyuck from pouring his heart out right there.</p><p>
  <em> That’s what you get for being too slow. </em>
</p><p>Donghyuck ignores his aching limbs and pedals as much as he can.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>Despite everything that happened which mostly consisted of Mark Lee ruining the moment and Donghyuck sulking by the corner (they come together), Donghyuck still maintains the habit of rereading the confession letter he wrote every night. Jisung starts asking him about it, but Donghyuck always brushes off the topic that Jisung eventually falls asleep before he can remember what he asked.  </p><p>Donghyuck knows the message already by heart and yet he still carries the letter around wherever he goes. Sure, his feelings aren’t exactly hidden from Jisung—as well as the rest of his friends except for the person he’s harboring them for—but he’d rather not have the contents of his heart lying around the dorm room, ready to be found by anyone who fancies a visit on his space. </p><p>It even comes to a point where he sometimes mutters the words under his breath. Most of the time, this is prompted whenever he’s hanging out with Renjun and their friends. Donghyuck finds it painfully funny how Renjun is so close and at the same time so far from his reach. </p><p>Donghyuck prides himself with putting up a good front whenever the topic of their conversations shift to Mark Lee again. However, that doesn’t mean he’s not sinking inside and wanting to run to the nearest rooftop and scream at the top of his lungs. Still, Renjun looks happy, somehow; smiling like a high schooler who just received a candy gram during recess. Who is he to get in the way of that?</p><p>“Renjun-ah…” Donghyuck mindlessly mutters the letter he sits by one of the sheds, waiting for Renjun to turn up. “What if I told you that I like you?”</p><p>It’s one of those weekends where they’re all busy but theys toll want to hang out. The seven of them are supposed to meet at one of the eateries by the quad, and Renjun asks Donghyuck if they could go together. Of course, Donghyuck can’t really say no to Renjun. Jisung is already holed up in Chenle’s dorm along with Jaemin, catching up on the movie series they’re binge watching, so Donghyuck is pretty much companionless if Renjun didn’t offer. </p><p>“And not in the <em> I’ll be making my best man speech on your wedding </em> kind of way,” Donghyuck recites, the words of the letter now coming naturally out. Perhaps it’s a sign that such things shouldn’t remain in paper and should be voiced out one way or another. “But the <em> you can punch me in the face and I’d still want to kiss you </em>kind of way.”</p><p>He smiles involuntarily to himself as he recalls the lines. “I don’t know if I show it well… I probably don’t…” Donghyuck continues. “But bottomline is, I really like you. A lot. That’s—“</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>Donghyuck falls off the bench, traces of horror now appearing on his face.</p><p>He hears shuffling for a bit and soon enough, Renjun’s face is frowning at him. “Are you unwell?”</p><p>Donghyuck winces as he gets up. “Why would you think that?”</p><p>Renjun looks genuinely worried. “Well, you were smiling and talking to yourself when I spotted you. I’m getting quite concerned. Plus, you fell over when I called you.”</p><p>“I was reciting the transcript,” Donghyuck lies.</p><p>Of course, Renjun doesn’t buy it. “While smiling like an idiot? Sure you are.”</p><p>Donghyuck feigns an offended frown. “Hey, it’s fun!”</p><p>“I’ve known you since your growth spurt, Hyuck,” Renjun laughs. “You can’t fool me. Come on, let’s go to the eatery.”</p><p>For a while, Donghyuck wants to roll his eyes at the irony. He wants to laugh and yell <em> I’m fooling you right now, amn’t I? </em>but Renjun’s tone was dismissive and it suddenly dawns upon him that it’s a stupid idea so he just brushes the thought away entirely.</p><p>When they reach the eatery, they immediately head for the largest table that can accommodate six people. They sit there for a few minutes, mindlessly scrolling through social media while waiting for their friends.</p><p>“What’s taking them so long?” Renjun groans. He types furiously on his phone and Donghyuck receives an instant notification from their group chat. The message Renjun just sent pops into his screen</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> [ 1 new message from single gays ft. renjun ] </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>renjun (soon to be non-single):</b>
</p><p>just catch up whenever you can</p><p>hyuck and i are starving</p><p>we’ll order</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>jisung (painfully single):</b>
</p><p>djjdfkfk sorry</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>chenle (awfully single):</b>
</p><p>it’s jisung’s fault that we’re late</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>jaemin (dreadfully single):</b>
</p><p>
  <em>in reply to chenle (awfully single) </em>
</p><p>(2)</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck snickers. “You really had to drag me with you.”</p><p>“Come on, we’re pretty much just sitting for fifteen minutes,” Renjun gets up. “Look around, there are no more vacant seats.”</p><p>Renjun’s right. In a span of fifteen minutes, all the tables in the eatery are filled.</p><p>“I’ll get you your usual,” Renjun says as he makes his way to the counter. “Just pay me when I return.”</p><p>“Sure, thanks.”</p><p>Donghyuck watches Renjun’s retreating figure as he falls in line behind two more people. Renjun subconsciously huffs, realizing that he’s going to have to wait in line. His cheeks puff out as he pouts and Donghyuck can’t help but laugh to himself. Although intimidating and terrifying, Renjun still looks cute when he’s frustrated.</p><p>Suddenly, Donghyuck thinks about the letter burning in his pocket and in his mind. Chenle, Jisung and Jaemin will be taking too long to get here because of whatever Jisung did. Jeno prioritizes the quality of his requirements more than anything else, so he wouldn’t mind being late if it meant perfecting his report. It’s just going to be Renjun and Donghyuck.</p><p>There’s a sudden surge of courage that travels through Donghyuck’s entire body and that causes him to pull out his phone and send individual messages to his friends, all bearing the same message.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>change of plans, don’t come to the eatery.</p><p>will take my chances and confess to renjun.</p><p> </p><p>The instant he sends those, his friends immediately reply, all varying in responses but bearing the same reaction. Jisung jokes about not believing it and the world changing its rotation. Jeno tells him he’s going to light some candles for him. Chenle is asking for a wedding invitation. Jaemin sends an incredibly suggestive sticker that ends up with Donghyuck reacting to it with an angry emoji.</p><p>He pockets his phone and braces himself. Renjun is now next in line. The words of the letter start to fly around his head until finally, it’s Renjun’s turn to order. Donghyuck fixes his collar and fringe before Renjun brings the tray with their plates to the table.</p><p>“Here’s yours, Renjun gives him his meal. Donghyuck hands Renjun the money and volunteers to take the tray back to the counter.</p><p>Once he returns, they immediately start to eat. Donghyuck figures he should let them satisfy their appetite for a few moments before he finally lays his heart out once and for all. As he mixes his minced pork meat and liver with his rice, he sees Renjun struggling to slice his steak.</p><p>He rolls his eyes before using his own utensils to cut Renjun’s steak into bite-sized pieces. “How old are you again?” Donghyuck jokingly asks.</p><p>Renjun scowls at him. “Shut up,” and then after that, in a smaller voice. “Thank you.”</p><p>Donghyuck hums as he takes a spoonful of rice and pork in his mouth.</p><p>“Have you heard?” Renjun says. “They’re inviting a famous band to the culminating party.”</p><p>“Really?” Donghyuck replies. “Which one?”</p><p>Renjun shrugs. “I don’t know their names. I do know it’s the one Chenle keeps blasting in his house.”</p><p>Donghyuck laughs before he eats another spoonful, the recognition sinking in. “Yeah, I don’t know what they’re called either.”</p><p>But Renjun isn’t laughing with him. Instead, he’s looking at Donghyuck with a frown.</p><p>“What?” Donghyuck asks, his mouth half-full. </p><p>Renjun grabs a tissue, leans in a little bit, and wipes the corner of Donghyuck lips. He also brushes Donghyuck’s fringe with his other hand before he returns to his seat.</p><p>For a moment, Donghyuck is sure he’s pretty frozen.</p><p>“Geez, even your hair is eating,” Renjun then smiles mischievously. “How old are you again?”</p><p>That alone is enough to reel Donghyuck back to reality. He swallows his food and nods. “Well played… well played…”</p><p>They talk about the culminating party and Chenle’s music taste as they finish their food. Their upcoming on-the-job training also comes to the conversation every once in a while.</p><p>It’s only after they finish talking about pediatric wards that Renjun realizes something. “Shit,” he groans, pulling out his phone. “Those idiots are so late.”</p><p><em> Now or never, </em>Donghyuck thinks to himself.</p><p>He clears his throat. “Renjun.”</p><p>Renjun hums, eyes still on his phone.</p><p>“Renjun.”</p><p>“What?” he replies, but he’s still not looking at Donghyuck.</p><p>Donghyuck sighs. “Renjun, look at me.”</p><p>That does the trick. Both to Donghyuck’s plan and to his now tumbling heart. The moment Renjun’s eyes meet his, it strikes him again; how <em> radiant </em>he looks, even with his cola stained lips and now unruly hair and curious gaze staring at Donghyuck. The feeling of air getting knocked out of his chest is familiar now and Donghyuck is used to it.</p><p>But this time, there’s something else.</p><p>For all those years that Donghyuck is admiring, this time, he starts to reach</p><p>Renjun raises his eyebrow, his expression now morphing into something softer. “Hyuck?”</p><p>Donghyuck takes a deep breath. “I know it’s kind of sudden, but I just want to say that—“</p><p>“Renjun?”</p><p>Donghyuck wants to punch a rock. And pour spicy sauce all over it. And then punch it again.</p><p>Renjun lingers his gaze to him for a little bit more before he turns to whoever is calling him. “Mark?”</p><p>Donghyuck wants to throw a rock at someone. And pour spicy sauce all over them. And punch them.</p><p>Not that he’s saying that the <em> someone </em> should be Mark, but he’s not opposed to the thought. Definitely not.</p><p>He restrains himself from frowning as he turns around and lo and behold, in all his Burberry glory, Mark Lee stands by the entrance, looking like one of those rich and handsome company heirs in almost every drama. </p><p>“Hey!” Mark greets a lot more brightly, approaching them. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”</p><p>Renjun chuckles and Donghyuck’s heart drops. “I could say the same. What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Just going to grab something to eat before I meet Dr. Moon,” Mark says. He then turns to Donghyuck who’s doing his best to put on a nonchalant face. “Hey, Hyuck.”</p><p>“Hey,” Donghyuck mumbles, hoping his glare didn’t break through the pretense.</p><p>“Where are the rest?” Mark asks.</p><p>Renjun squints at his phone. “They’re supposed to come a while ago. I just asked them where they are again and the only reply I got was a picture of wedding linens from Chenle.”</p><p>Donghyuck is going to chop Chenle’s head off.</p><p>Mark laughs at that, and Donghyuck scowls, because there’s nothing funny in what Renjun said, and yet Mark is laughing. But then again, Renjun is naturally good with everything so he’s good with making people laugh and—</p><p>“You should order,” Renjun urges Mark who’s still lingering by their table. “The line gets pretty long.”</p><p>“I would, but I think I’ll go to another eatery,” Mark says, scratching the back of his neck. “This one seems to be full. I’ll just find another place in the quad.”</p><p>Donghyuck coughs, trying to cover up the grin he’s unable to fight off. He picks up his cola.</p><p>But then Mark speaks again, “Unless…”</p><p>
  <em> Oh no. </em>
</p><p>“I mean, only if you don’t mind,” Mark adds. “Would it be okay if I share your table?</p><p>Donghyuck chokes on his drink and starts coughing for real.</p><p>Renjun quickly turns to him. “Hyuck? What happened? Are you alright?”</p><p>Donghyuck shakes his head, waving his hand in the air. “Fine. I’m fine.”</p><p>Renjun doesn’t seem convinced. Mark takes his now spilled glass and smiles warmly. “I’ll get you a new one when I order. Do you want some water?”</p><p><em> God, </em> Donghyuck thinks miserably. <em> Why must he be such an angel? Did he save a country in his past life? </em></p><p>It’s Renjun who answers. “That’ll be great, thank you.”</p><p>Mark nods. “I’ll get you your water first before I order. I’ll have your new cola by then.”</p><p>Renjun nods as Mark leaves. He then looks back to Donghyuck, concern written all over his face.</p><p>“Geez, this idiot,” Renjun mutters, standing up to rub Donghyuck’s back gently. “You're gonna be the death of me. Be careful next time.”</p><p>Donghyuck nods. “Don’t worry, it happens.”</p><p>Renjun sighs before he sits back to his place. “Wait,” he then says. “What were you trying to say a while ago?”</p><p>Before Donghyuck can even contemplate, he sees Mark Lee’s approaching figure, holding a glass of water for him. And the guy is <em> smiling </em> . And looking <em> genuinely concerned </em>for him.</p><p>He forces himself to smile. “Nothing,” he tells Renjun quickly. “It’s nothing.”</p><p>Renjun doesn’t look like he’s ready to let it go. But before he can even ask further, he’s interrupted by Mark returning to their table.</p><p>Donghyuck hears a notification signal from his phone.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> [ 1 new message from lele ] </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele:</b>
</p><p>what do u think of this wedding linen</p><p>
  <a href="https://pin.it/4MtZzNM"> https://pin.it/4MtZzNM </a>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me:</b>
</p><p>i will eradicate you</p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck puts his phone back in his pocket as he starts to plan Chenle’s decapitation in an attempt to distract himself with whatever’s going on with Mark and Renjun.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>“You’re kidding me,” Jaemin says after Donghyuck recounts the Mark encounter. “You’re definitely kidding me.”</p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t really want to spend the entire day sulking in his dorm room and thinking about the scenario yesterday. With Jisung catching up on requirements and Jeno and Chenle not replying to his messages, he asks Jaemin if he could hang out by the pet shop he’s working at. Thankfully, the guy agreed.</p><p>Donghyuck gives him a deadpan stare. “Do you think I would make up a story about the least person I want to see showing up in the eatery while I try to confess to Renjun?”</p><p>Jaemin sighs. “Okay, I believe you, it’s just…” he trails, at a loss of words. Ultimately, he just looks at Donghyuck with a sad expression. “I’m sorry. It must’ve been hard.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Donghyuck mutters. “You should’ve seen them. They were <em> laughing </em> all the time. And Renjun is always laughing. Mark’s jokes aren’t even funny!”</p><p>Jaemin gives him a knowing look as he pours dog food in the bowls.</p><p>“Okay fine, they’re a little bit funny,” Donghyuck concedes. “But still! It’s like the world is telling me to get over it and give up! Messing up the timing on purpose…”</p><p>He doesn’t get a response from that. Jaemin continues to fill the pets’ bowls.</p><p>“Why am I even doing this…” Donghyuck grumbles.</p><p>“You know why,” Jaemin practically sing-songs. “It’s as simple as you love the guy.”</p><p>“That’s a big word.”</p><p>“Am I wrong, though?”</p><p>Donghyuck does not answer. He distracts himself by watching a sleeping bunny in the cage beside him.</p><p>“Don’t wake her up,” Jaemin says as he sees who Donghyuck is looking at. “She’s having a hard time sleeping lately. I want her to get enough rest.”</p><p>Donghyuck smiles. “What’s her name?”</p><p>“That’s up to her future owner,” Jaemin replies. “Although, I call her Judy in the meantime.”</p><p>Thankfully, Donghyuck manages to distance himself away from the cage before he laughs. “Like the one from <em> Zootopia!” </em></p><p>“Why not?” Jaemin says indignantly. “She’s a rabbit too!”</p><p>“Whatever you say,” Donghyuck chuckles.</p><p>“Plus,” Jaemin adds. “It’s Renjun who named her that. When he visited the shop a few weeks ago and they brought her in.”</p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t know what to respond so he just purses his lips and nods. He allows himself to smile as he looks at a resting Judy again.</p><p>“You know,” Jaemin speaks in a tentative manner after a few seconds of silence, like he debated going through with it. “It’s been weeks since Mark and Renjun started to hang out and get to know each other.”</p><p>Donghyuck groans. “Don’t remind me.”</p><p>“What I’m saying is,” Jaemin says more sternly. “It’s been <em> weeks, </em>and they’re still on that stage. And more weeks will come and they’ll still be on that stage.”</p><p>Jaemin has now finished filling up the last bowl and is looking at Donghyuck directly. Donghyuck is unable to avoid his piercing gaze.</p><p>“There’s a reason why it’s still that way, Hyuck,” Jaemin says. “Figure it out.”</p><p>Donghyuck nods, although he himself is still not sure about what Jaemin is trying to say. He ends up excusing himself and walking around the pet shop.</p><p>He doesn’t really come here often. Jisung is usually the one who visits Jaemin, since they both want to pursue a career related to taking care of animals. The last time Donghyuck went there, he’s pretty sure he was with Jeno. He hasn’t fully appreciated the place that time. He takes his chance this time and does just that, ignoring a Jaemin who’s sighing behind him.</p><p>Eventually, he moves to a section for aquatic animals. He sees a turtle in one of the larger aquariums, staring at him like it can see through his soul. There is also a snail trying to get out of its container. And then a little bit ahead, there is an entire aquarium filled with goldfishes.</p><p>An idea suddenly comes to his mind. He walks towards the fishes, observes them for a while, and grins.</p><p>“Jaem,” he calls. “How much for a goldfish?”</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>It’s quite a challenge for Donghyuck to tell Jisung that they would not be keeping the goldfish he brought home. At first, Jisung negotiated—and even offered to do some of his workload—to let them keep the fish, but after Donghyuck told him the reason why he bought it in the first place, he quickly understood.</p><p>Although, Donghyuck is pretty sure Jisung’s sulky mood lately is because of that.</p><p>Indeed, on the day he’s supposed to meet Renjun, Jisung is saying his farewells to the nameless goldfish (Donghyuck won’t allow him, no matter how many times Jisung tried) before he lets Donghyuck take the fish in the plastic container.</p><p>“You can always buy one from Jaemin’s pet shop,” Donghyuck tells him as he’s getting ready.</p><p>Jisung frowns, but his mood did brighten up after that, even managing to tease Donghyuck before he left.</p><p>Times like these, Renjun and Donghyuck would usually be by the library. However, there’s an ongoing renovation at the side they always frequent so they decided to just meet up under one of the tree shades by the student quad. When Donghyuck arrives, Renjun is already there. Renjun waves him over and then immediately starts a conversation about his potential on-the-job, making him too preoccupied to notice the little plastic Donghyuck is holding.</p><p>“Do you think we’ll end up getting stationed at the university hospital?” Renjun asks him at some point in the discussion. The guy is now lying on the grass, staring at the leaves and the little filters of sunlight they allow to pass through.</p><p>Donghyuck, who’s sitting cross legged beside Renjun, just shrugs. “I don’t know… I heard St. Louis’ Center also accepts students.”</p><p>“That’s not far from here,” Renjun muses, letting out a low whistle afterwards. “Which one would you like to go to?”</p><p>“Hmm…” Donghyuck contemplates. “I’m honestly okay with either. So long as I get to help out.”</p><p>Renjun laughs fondly at that. “How very noble of you.”</p><p>Donghyuck smiles. “It’s why we’re here, after all.”</p><p>“I agree,” Renjun smiles. “I heard there’s a whole convenience store in St. Louis’ ground floor, though. Mark often gets his hotdog sandwiches there.”</p><p>The conversation has been going on for a good run that Mark’s name hasn’t been brought up until now. It’s a bit surprising that he hasn’t come up in the conversation earlier, but still, Donghyuck would prefer not hearing his name at all. There’s no bone in his body that would be enthusiastic to talk about Mark Lee and his precious on-the-job training that comes with the precious hotdog sandwiches.</p><p>However, he can’t exactly say the same for Renjun. Of course, how can Renjun not want to talk about Mark Lee, not when he’s too handsome and smart and kind and he even treated Donghyuck with some drinks back at the eatery one day?</p><p>Donghyuck notices a shift in Renjun’s tone when he mentions Mark Lee. He can’t pinpoint it exactly, but it still doesn’t sit right with him. It’s wary, tentative and curious. Donghyuck isn’t sure if those are positive things, given the context of what they’re talking about.</p><p>“Ah…” he responds mindlessly, trying to refrain his voice from sounding too airy. “I keep forgetting he’s in his third year now.”</p><p>Renjun smiles, but whether it reaches his eyes or not, Donghyuck couldn’t figure out because Renjun turns his head away. He’s gazing at somewhere near the far end of the quad, where the street food cart they always go to stands. Renjun then looks a little bit upward to gaze at the library being renovated.</p><p>“By the way,” Renjun begins tentatively, still not meeting Donghyuck’s eyes. “Did you know JJ Project are performing on culminating night?”</p><p>The way Renjun says it seems like it’s not really the thing he wants to talk about, like he’s dragging time out. Donghyuck pretends he hasn’t caught that and chuckles. “Finally know their name, huh? We’ve been talking about it since last week.”</p><p>“Right, right,” Renjun replies, smiling but a little bit distracted. “I forgot…”</p><p>There’s another wave of silence that takes over after that. Donghyuck finds himself shuffling his feet a little bit against the grass just so he can busy himself with something. Renjun looks like he’s still contemplating something, and even though it’s making Donghyuck’s heartbeat unintentionally speed up, he tries his best to look like he hasn’t noticed it. He starts humming one of the songs Jisung is blasting in their dorm, just so it seems like he’s not worried about what’s going on in Renjun’s mind.</p><p>Just as he’s about to reach the chorus, Renjun sits up and, without warning, quickly blurts out, “Mark asked me to go with him to the culminating party.”</p><p>Three things stop at the same time. First, Donghyuck’s humming. Second, his body. Third, his mind. The only thing that doesn’t seem to stop is his heart that’s doing somersaults in his chest in a not-so-good way.</p><p>“Oh,” Donghyuck says, his voice now <em> definitely </em>airy. Still, he tries to keep up his facade. “That’s—“</p><p>And again, without warning, Renjun turns to him, eyes piercing into Donghyuck as if he’s trying to see through him. “Should I go with him?”</p><p>“Wh—what?” Donghyuck asks dumbly.</p><p>“I asked,” Renjun says, his gaze still fixed on Donghyuck who’s now involuntarily backing away as Renjun’s face draws closer. “If I should go with Mark. What do you think?”</p><p>Donghyuck blinks at him. “Wh—why are you asking me?”</p><p>“You’re my best friend,” Renjun whispers, momentarily averting his eyes as he does so. Hastily, he adds, “And you know, we’ve been talking about going to culminating night, the six of us…”</p><p>It’s so easy, Donghyuck thinks. It’s so easy to tell him <em> no. </em> It’s so easy to tell Renjun that he shouldn’t go with Mark. It’s so easy to use the six of them hanging out together as an excuse. It’s so easy to turn the situation to his favor. Hell, the opportunity to confess to finally let Renjun hear the contents of his letter, is right there. It’s so, <em> so </em>easy.</p><p>But as Donghyuck looks at Renjun’s bright eyes, he thinks; above all that, nothing can come as easy as falling in love with Renjun. It’s by far the easiest thing that Donghyuck has done.</p><p>Because every time he spots Renjun by a distance, he doesn’t feel like walking on eggshells. He feels like running barefoot on the soft grass, making his way towards where Renjun is. When Renjun holds his hand or hugs him tight, he doesn’t feel like breaking. In fact, he feels like he perfectly fits in the space. When Renjun smiles, he doesn’t feel like burning—the kind that jerks your entire body and takes you by surprise. It feels like warmth, like serene sunlight gracefully dancing on your skin, constant and beautiful.</p><p>Jaemin is right. It’s as simple as Donghyuck loves Renjun.</p><p>He takes a deep breath before he catches Renjun’s eyes again. “If it’s what you want,” he says, attempting to sound casual. “Then go for it.”</p><p>Renjun blinks, like he’s a bit taken aback. “Really?”</p><p>Donghyuck chuckles and uses his free hand to ruffle Renjun’s hair. “Now, now, Renjun,” he says in a teasing manner that he hopes is convincing. “As much as I’m flattered that you care about my opinion so much, it still comes down to what you want and feel.”</p><p>As soon as he says that, Donghyuck realizes he still has his hand on Renjun’s hair, its placement now a little bit to the side, right above Renjun’s ear. The distance between their faces is not that scandalous, but it still makes Donghyuck feel like melting. To top it all, Renjun is looking at him like nothing else in the surroundings is worth being looked at.</p><p>“No one is responsible for what you do with your feelings but you,” Donghyuck’s voice subconsciously drops into a whisper. “No one has the right to your heart but you.”</p><p>It’s a statement that is genuine and holds no ounce of selfish intention to it. Although, Donghyuck suddenly feels awestruck because of his own words. It’s a message he’s delivering to Renjun, and also a message that seems fitting to tell himself.</p><p>While Donghyuck is having a cathartic moment, just almost a foot away from him, Renjun looks like he’s doing the same. Although, Donghyuck can’t quite decipher what’s currently going on in Renjun’s mind. What he knows is that he’s still cradling Renjun’s head in his hand, and Renjun isn’t moving away. He’s still looking at Renjun, and Renjun isn’t looking away.</p><p>It takes the goldfish suddenly jerking in its container for  Donghyuck to reel back to reality. He clears his throat, removes his hand from Renjun’s head, and finally brings the goldfish into view.</p><p>That seems to do the trick, seeing that Renjun suddenly sits up straight and looks very much in awe.</p><p>“Is that…” he trails, looking at the little fish swimming in the container with hopeful eyes.</p><p>“For you? Yeah,” he nods and lets Renjun hold the container. “Was visiting Jaemin at work and I remembered our conversation about pets and how you thought a goldfish wouldn’t be bad…”</p><p>Renjun smirks at that, grinning mischievously the next time he meets Donghyuck’s eyes. His usual teasing expression is there, but so is a certain twinkle in his eyes that Donghyuck only catches whenever he’s <em> really </em>looking.</p><p>“Man, did you eat something good today that you’re being generous all of a sudden?” Renjun prompts. “Or… is there a catch…”</p><p>Donghyuck rolls his eyes at the accusations. “Consider yourself not receiving a Christmas present this year,” he jokes.</p><p>“Hey, not fair!”</p><p>“I gave you a goldfish, though!”</p><p>“I didn’t ask you to give me a goldfish, <em> though!” </em></p><p>“Hand it back to me then.”</p><p>“What—no!”</p><p>Of course, Donghyuck is still going to buy a Christmas present for Renjun. He won’t tell him that right now, though. Soon enough, they are back to their familiar bickering and twinkling eyes and shared laughters and genuine smiles and perpetual comfort and Donghyuck thinks that for now, he’ll set his aching heart aside and just cherish the moment with Renjun.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t really want to be updated with whatever Renjun decides to do with Mark’s offer. Like the old saying goes, ignorance is bliss. Sure, Donghyuck is caring and kind and understanding and a great friend in general, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t get hurt too. At the end of the day, he’s still human; and there will be days where you’ll want the ache to lessen, even if just by a little bit.</p><p>Thankfully, Renjun doesn’t really give him or their friend group updates about Mark. The rest of his friends don’t push questions as well, and Donghyuck is even more grateful. Everybody seems to be busy now. The only thing that keeps people going amidst the heavily increased workload is their anticipation for culminating night. It’s even more worth looking forward to since the event now somehow marks the end of one of their “hell weeks”.</p><p>Donghyuck also noticed that Mark hasn’t been hanging that much around. Not that the guy is already adopted into their friend group; Donghyuck just isn’t used to not seeing him pop up at any given time. But then again, Mark is a year higher than them and is already taking his on the job training, so he must be a lot busier.</p><p>However, despite the distractions, Donghyuck finds himself staring at the ceiling most nights, wondering about the look on Renjun’s face when he asks for Donghyuck’s opinion on hanging out with Mark. He’s not unfamiliar with Renjun's expressions, but he’s not a master to the feelings behind them. Sometimes, he’ll pick up the letter he wrote afterwards, and though the paper is now creased and marked with folds, the message still holds true. Donghyuck reads it and recites every word in his mind, like he’s seeing a translation of the rhythm in his chest. And then after that, he’ll wonder if Renjun will ever get the chance to hear these words.</p><p>It turns out he doesn’t have to wonder that long.</p><p>Three days before the culminating night, everybody is striving to finish up their workload. The six of them didn’t even meet up at the street food stall so they could work on their requirements. Free periods saved for leisure are now very rare.</p><p>However, on one very rare free period meant for leisure, Renjun invited Donghyuck to check out the pediatric ward at St. Louis’ Center. At first, Donghyuck is reluctant because he might be doing it to see Mark, but then again, he can’t really say no to Renjun.</p><p>The trip is quick, since they cannot stay for long. It has the same ambiance as the university hospital, although there are more clinics and rooms because of the larger lot. Renjun and Donghyuck even saw a few interns and volunteers as they ventured.</p><p>“I wouldn’t mind working there,” Donghyuck muses once they go through the lobby exit. “It’s very nice.”</p><p>Renjun nods. “St. Louis in general is one of the best hospitals here.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Donghyuck says. They’re now walking near the little garden outside the building. “Remember when I was confined here?”</p><p>At that, Renjun smiles, as if the memory just crossed his mind. “Yeah, you were admitted because you drank too much chocolate. What an idiot.”</p><p>“I was nine!” Donghyuck defends himself. “Also, don’t act like you weren’t an idiot too. Lying to Auntie and skipping school and demanding the nurse to let you visit me.”</p><p>“Which I wouldn’t have done if you didn’t drink,” but Renjun is still smiling. He then leaves it at that, glancing at the surroundings. After a while, he points towards something. “I didn’t know they had this one here!”</p><p>Donghyuck follows where Renjun’s finger is pointing at and sees a vacant playground, or at least bits of it. There are only two seesaws, a monkey bar and three swings. It’s no wonder there aren’t people in the place, there isn’t exactly much to do.</p><p>“I bet you wouldn’t be able to hang on to that,” Renjun muses, gesturing towards the monkey bar.</p><p>Donghyuck <em> tsks. </em>“I can.”</p><p>Renjun shakes his head. “I don’t think so. Jeno and Jaemin, maybe, since they work out and all.”</p><p>“Hey, I’m working out too!” Donghyuck declares. “That trek up to our lab is legwork already.”</p><p>Renjun rolls his eyes. “That doesn’t count.”</p><p>“Just watch,” Donghyuck tells him and immediately makes his way to the monkey bar. </p><p>He hears Renjun run after him while yelling stuff like <em> I’m only kidding </em>but Donghyuck has already set his goal. By the time Renjun is about to warn him about making a fool of himself, Donghyuck is already hoisting himself up.</p><p>There’s a triumphant grin on his face. “Told you.”</p><p>Renjun sighs. “Fine. Now get down, you might fall off and break your limbs or something.”</p><p>“The hospital is just right there.”</p><p>“Donghyuck!”</p><p>Donghyuck only lifts his body a little higher in response.</p><p>“Whatever, do what you want,” Renjun scowls.</p><p>“Check this out!” Donghyuck smirks as he grips on the bar tightly and goes over it, allowing himself to go around the monkey bar. “Ha! I told you those legwork come in handy.”</p><p>He doesn’t hear Renjun respond.</p><p>“Come on,” Donghyuck tries again. “Look at me!”</p><p>In a faraway voice, Renjun says, “<em> Renjun-ah </em>,”</p><p>Donghyuck snickers while trying to skillfully hang upside down. “Why are you calling your own name, you idiot?”</p><p>
  <em> “What if I told you I like you?” </em>
</p><p>Wait.</p><p>Donghyuck almost loses his balance had he not been gripping on the bars tightly. He turns his head and, to his horror, sees Renjun reading the handwritten letter where Donghyuck laid his entire out. It must’ve fallen from his pocket while he was dangling.</p><p>“Hey!” Donghyuck says, landing on the ground and trying to snatch it from Renjun. He fails to do so as Renjun dodges him and walks a little bit further from the bar. “Don’t read that!”</p><p><em>“And not in the ‘I’ll be making my best man speech on your wedding’ kind of way, but</em> <em>the ‘you can punch me in the face and I’d still want to kiss you’ kind of way. I don’t know if I show it well… I probably don’t…</em> <em>But bottomline is, I really like you. A lot. That’s such a lame way to start this. But, it’s the truth,” </em>There’s an odd grin on Renjun’s face as he reads it out loud, and Donghyuck kind of wants to bury himself in the ground. <em>“Why should I bother running around in circles when I have never been more sure?”</em></p><p>When Donghyuck wrote that letter, he had the intention of saying it out loud to Renjun, and not the other way around. The fact that his best friend is reading the words Donghyuck is reciting every night makes him want to disappear. Sure, it was his original plan to confess, but he didn’t realize that he was going to be caught off guard now that the moment is here.</p><p>He looks down on the ground and purses his lips as Renjun continues.</p><p>
  <em> “Sergeant at Arms. We have both been given that title in high school during our classroom officer elections. I never really talked to you that much before that, so I didn’t imagine we’d be the best of friends. We had good harmony—helping out the president and carrying out the teachers’ orders.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “We were always together, and after that one time we decided to drop by the banana cue stall across our school, we became close ever since. It became a routine, and soon enough, you weren’t just lending me spare coins so I could get an extra stick. You then lent me your notes and I helped you with your volleyball serve and we progressed from sharing banana cue moments to sharing dreams of being doctors. And now, we’re here.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You might ask me, where in this timeline did I start to know that I liked you? Or better yet, where in this timeline did I start falling in love with you? That’s the thing—I don’t know. Well, I do know when I figured out that I was head over heels, but not really when it started. But does that really matter? I didn’t think much about when I started falling for you because the only thing I ever put a lot of thought on is the only fact that matters—that I love you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “And if you’re going to look for reasons, this poor paper won’t be enough. One second with you holds a million reasons to love you. By the time I finish this letter, I’ll have come up with another million reasons. By the time I reread this letter, I’ll get another million. In every walk home, every biking trip, every silly face you make when treating Chenle’s dog like your own baby, every silly face you make when you miss a step down the stairs—I will always find a reason. You’re made up with so much love that you become more than what it actually is.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “There’s love, and then there’s you. Everyone can find love, but not everyone can find you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay, now I’m getting sappy. But seriously, Renjun; you drool in your sleep and your hair looks like a swamp after every nap and yet I wouldn’t mind seeing that every day. At all.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I think I’m pretty lucky that out of the seven billion other people in this world, I get to fall in love with you.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Well, there we have it. Anyway, that was cheesy, don’t you think? Let’s go laugh about it while we order some stir fried noodles by the canteen.”</em>
</p><p>Renjun turns his body a little bit so that he is facing Donghyuck.</p><p><em> “Your ever annoying best friend,” </em> Renjun reads. <em> “Donghyuck.” </em></p><p>There are two conflicting thoughts warring inside Donghyuck at the moment. One part of him wants the ground to open up now more than ever and the other part of him, the one he wouldn’t dare admit but favors, feels determined after making his feelings known.</p><p>Renjun is silent for a while, eyes still trailing over the paper. The odd smile is still there, and Donghyuck has no idea if it’s a good sign or not.</p><p>Ultimately, it’s Renjun who breaks the silence. “Did you mean it?”</p><p>There it is again—the chance to escape. It’s the same tone Renjun used when he asked Donghyuck about going to the culminating party with Mark. The only difference about the current scenario is that Mark is not involved. It’s just between the two of them.</p><p>And all Donghyuck has to do to get away from this is say “no”. In fact, there are a lot of excuses he can say. He can easily wedge his way out of the situation. He can do it.</p><p>But the real question is, does he want to do it?</p><p>There he is, standing a few feet away from Renjun who’s looking at him intensely that it feels like Donghyuck is going to melt. His subconscious immediately focuses on Renjun, on the small, odd smile on his face, on the twinkling curios eyes gazing at him, on the ever glowing gold that seems to make him shine.</p><p>Donghyuck nods slowly and replies, “Every word.”</p><p>For a while, they just stare at each other with a silence that rings louder than any sound they’ve ever heard. When Donghyuck thinks Renjun isn’t going to speak, he continues to talk.</p><p>“Look,” he quickly adds. “Don’t worry about it. The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable. I’ll get over it.”</p><p>The sting doesn’t come until after he finishes saying those. Donghyuck is already anticipating the pain of his bound to be shattered heart when suddenly, Renjun laughs.</p><p>Donghyuck gapes at him, confused. “Wh—what’s so funny?”</p><p>Renjun shakes his head. “I knew you were an idiot Lee Donghyuck, but I didn’t know you were this <em> big </em>of an idiot.” And then he laughs again.</p><p>Donghyuck feels more stupid with every passing second.</p><p>Renjun notices his expressions and grins. “Look, I didn’t mean it in a bad way—“</p><p>“Oh sure, because calling someone an idiot is a compliment—“</p><p>“Okay, not in an <em> entirely </em>bad way, but like,” Renjun pauses, as if contemplating what to say next. And then, “Did you know I declined Mark’s offer to go with me to the culminating party?”</p><p>That takes Donghyuck by surprise. “You— what?”</p><p>Renjun just shrugs while nodding nonchalantly.</p><p>Donghyuck is on the line between feeling confused and excited. “But why?”</p><p>“Because,” and then Renjun takes a deep breath that’s quickly followed by a chuckle. “You, of all people, told me that I’m the only one responsible for my feelings.”</p><p>“Oh…”</p><p>“And I don’t like Mark,” Renjun instantly adds. “I mean, I think he’s cute and smart and funny and—“</p><p>Donghyuck grimaces.</p><p>“But even after all that, I just can’t see myself <em> really </em> liking him,” Renjun says. “And I guess you can call me an idiot as well when I say it’s because I like someone else—who’s a completely big idiot.”</p><p>“You’re kind and caring and sharp-witted and pretty reliable, but you <em> can </em> be extremely confusing, you know? It’s been happening for so long that it sometimes feels like it’s ingrained in my everyday routine; to look at you and see so much… <em> glow </em>coming from one person. And there are so many times that I swear and I’m sure that you look at me the same way too…”</p><p>“But then you’ll deflect and tease me or make fun of me all over again and as time passes by I’m starting to think that maybe it’s all just wishful thinking. That it’s all on me. That I’m the only one who likes you more than what a best friend should.”</p><p>“So I told myself, it’s time to get a grip and attempt to move on. In the middle of my process, I also met Mark, which is basically like a sign given to me by the universe that I should definitely get over it, that I should definitely get over you.”</p><p>Renjun now looks at him more intently, a sheepish smile now on his face.</p><p>“But I can’t. No matter how much I try to push it away, I can’t. At first, I’m starting to think that maybe it’s because I’ve been pining for years and that’s why it’s hard to let go, but in the end, I realized it’s because I don’t really want it to go away.”</p><p>“I like you even when you do stupid things like prove yourself by hanging upside down on a Monkey bar. I like you and all your unflattering Barney shirts. I like you even when you’re being insufferable, and I like you even when you’re just being you. I like you so much that I don’t even think that word is enough, that I’m even saying all of this at a damned hospital playground.”</p><p>They both laugh a little at that. Donghyuck’s heart feels like it’s soaring, and when Renjun’s smile grows wider, he feels on top of the world.</p><p>“I can’t believe I’m in love with an idiot,” Renjun chuckles. “Seriously! There are times where I want to punch you in the face and throw you out of my window but even during those times, I still want to kiss you.”</p><p>At that, Donghyuck is unable to prevent the mischievous smile on his face. “You want to kiss me?”</p><p>Renjun rolls his eyes. “Cut that out, you’re ruining the moment?”</p><p>Donghyuck laughs. <em> “The </em>Huang Renjun wants to kiss me?”</p><p>“Seriously? I practically made an impromptu speech here and all you picked up was the last line?”</p><p>“Oh, no,” Donghyuck shakes his head as he chuckles. “I picked up <em> everything </em>. Didn’t know you had a romantic bone in your body.”</p><p>Renjun huffs. “Says the one who practically wrote a love letter!”</p><p>“Fair,” Donghyuck muses. “But <em> you </em>told me you wanted to kiss me.”</p><p>“Will you forever hold that above my head?” Renjun grumbles.</p><p>“Possibly,” Donghyuck says as he walks towards Renjun. “If you let me.”</p><p>Renjun regards the now short distance between them and smirks. “Getting bold now, are we?”</p><p>“You read my letter.”</p><p>“That I did.”</p><p>“So, since I’m such an idiot,” Donghyuck leans in so that the tip of his nose is almost brushing Renjun’s. “Can you repeat that thing you said? The one you really want to do to me?”</p><p>Renjun grins. “Punch you in the face and throw you out of my window.”</p><p>Donghyuck shrugs and pulls away. “Alright, it’s time to go home—“</p><p>“Shut up,” Renjun says before holding Donghyuck’s arm, turns him around, and <em> almost </em>kisses him.</p><p>There’s barely any distance between their faces. Donghyuck expects himself to feel nervous, to feel like he’s about to implode any time soon, but somehow, being this close to Renjun doesn’t feel scary or grand or nerve wracking.</p><p>It just feels right.</p><p>“Can I?” Renjun asks so softly with barely a whisper.</p><p>Donghyuck grins. “Punch me in the face and throw me out of your window?”</p><p>“No,” Renjun smiles, no longer teasing or making fun of Donghyuck. There’s nothing but honest emotion when he finally breathes out,  “Kiss you.”</p><p>With that, Donghyuck cups Renjun’s face in his hands. “Of course.”</p><p>It’s unclear who’s the one who ultimately closes the distance between their lips. Maybe it’s Renjun, maybe it’s Donghyuck. But to Donghyuck, all that matters is that they’re both sharing this moment together.</p><p>He closes his eyes and immediately smiles along the kiss, and his heart starts to soar when he feels Renjun do the same. It’s funny, if you’re going to think about it—there he was, a few hours ago, pining miserably and hopelessly without ever thinking that this could be a possibility. He feels his insides bubble up in laughter at the realization that maybe they both <em> are </em>idiots.</p><p>Still, they’re two idiot best friends who found their way to each other.</p><p>Or better yet, two idiot best friends who will always, <em> always </em>come back to each other.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hyung, that’s mine!” Jisung yells as Jaemin takes the wrong cup from the paperbag. “You get wintermelon, I get rocksalt and cheese.”</p><p>“Oh, sorry,” Jaemin hands Jisung the drink and tries to find his own. “Ah, I’m not good at this…”</p><p>“I think that’s mine,” Jeno says as Chenle warily eyes his drink. “I opted for nata de coco add ons, you can see them at the bottom.”</p><p>Chenle sighs as he returns Jeno’s drink. Jisung, on the other hand, looks distraught. “Where’s Renjun hyung when you need him?”</p><p>“Come to think of it,” Jeno muses. “He and Donghyuck are supposed to be here a few minutes ago.”</p><p>“Did they get held up on the line?” Jaemin asks.</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Jeno replies. “If they did, then Donghyuck would be constantly reaching out to us.”</p><p>Jisung looks like he wants to scream. “The mini concert will start soon! We have to move now if we want to secure good places to watch JJ Project!”</p><p>“I agree,” Jaemin mutters. “Also, Renjun just gave us that big speech about being on time and now look at him.”</p><p>“Do you reckon we should just go find some places and just reserve some for them?” Jeno suggests.</p><p>From beside him, Chenle snickers. “I don’t think you have to reserve them places.”</p><p>“Hey,” Jisung pouts. “We’re not that mean.”</p><p>“Look at this,” he gestures towards the phone on his hand, an amused expression resting on his face. “I don’t think they’ll be joining us any time soon.”</p><p>“You mean they’ll ditch us together?” Jeno asks, sounding pleasantly surprised.</p><p>Jaemin frowns. “But why?”</p><p>Chenle holds up his phone screen and the three of them immediately crowd around it to get a better look. The TikTok application is open and showing a short video of two people dancing animatedly to a trend.</p><p>It’s Jisung who registers the video first. “Aren’t those Donghyuck hyung and Renjun hyung?”</p><p>Nobody answered because everybody knows he’s right. They continue to watch as Renjun and Donghyuck laugh every time they don’t sync with each other, but what takes them the most by surprise is the two of them facing each other, Donghyuck taking Renjun’s face in his hands and kissing him right there.</p><p>Several screams and words come out all at once.</p><p>“What?!”</p><p>“Since when?!”</p><p>“And they didn’t tell us?!”</p><p>“The audacity?!”</p><p>“Those sneaky idiots?!”</p><p>And with that, the group chat starts to explode.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>From a distance, Donghyuck sees Renjun laughing by one of the stalls as he approaches him with their drinks. </p><p>“Hey, what’s so funny?” he asks as he hands Renjun a strawberry shake.</p><p>“They found the video, I think,” Renjun chuckles. “Now they’re flooding the group chat.”</p><p>Donghyuck checks his own phone and indeed, his notifications have been popping in nonstop; not only from the group chat, but also from the private messages he had with each of them.</p><p>He laughs as he proceeds to read them. Jaemin is sending him a lot of crying bunny stickers, one of them even hugging a bear. Jeno tells him it’s only about time that the two of them finally got together, and even jokes about putting away candles he claimed to light with Jisung to pray for the both of them. Jisung is just sending keyboard smashes, expressing his joy over their relationship and lighthearted betrayal for not being told about it. It’s Chenle’s message that makes Donghyuck raise his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>lele</b>
</p><p>hyung!!!!!!!</p><p>pls pls pls preoccupy renjun ge no matter what</p><p>dont let him rip out my right eyeball! thanks &lt;3</p><p> </p><p>“You threatened to rip out Chenle’s right eyeball?” Donghyuck asks as he turns to Renjun, who looks as glowing and radiant like he always is. Donghyuck subconsciously smiles, a habit he no longer has to keep private. </p><p>To be able to admire Renjun freely without having to mind whether the world is watching or not—he can really get used to this everyday.</p><p>Renjun shrugs, still typing on his phone. “You see, he said something about wedding linens…”</p><p>“Ah,” Donghyuck says, remembering his previous conversations with Chenle. At that, he quickly sends a reply to the guy.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>me</b>
</p><p>joke’s on you, im ripping out the left one </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>as always, thank you for reading! kudos, comments and bookmarks will be very appreciated!</p><p>be my friend please!! ♡<br/><a href="https://twitter.com/halfmoonjisung">twitter</a><br/><a href="https://curiouscat.me/halfmoonjisung">curiouscat</a></p><p>also if you want more renhyuck to read, check out belle's works! ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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